


This time imperfect

by Emeridan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Poisoning, Blood, Bullying, Death, Disillusionment, Doomed Timeline, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Humiliation, Isolation, Mouth trauma, Starvation, Suicide, accidental suicide, alcholisim, broken mind control, implied gamtav - Freeform, post retcon, unrequited gamkar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 00:53:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3831091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emeridan/pseuds/Emeridan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Water only fed the thorns. You tried but you couldn't help her become engulfed by them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This time imperfect

Your lips are a sticky, unpleasent feeling as you wake up. Much as your sis tries, they always hurt. Much as your invertebrother tried, much anger as he had, it was re-fucking-done over and over. You ain't got no rage, only sadness to get on these days.

Righteous scripture ain't here for you anymore, enough humiliation rendered what little grasps on faith you had null and motherfucking void. There ain't a set of gods, ain't no paradise planet, ain't a miracle in sight for a fool like you. Karkat's best friend suggested it, Vriska sanctified it. 

There're few streaks of light for you in the grates, you don't need it on most nights, you do tonight. You scrape yourself up, sitting rightly next to your sis. Your horns have been rubbed down on their tips, you don't mind the pain anymore. Ghost of a reminder of who you once were. You don't mind.

In fact, motherfucking reminder of everything is fine and fucking dandy. She's freezing and hardly makes sense, puppet laughs out the word 'failing' as you catch her.

Dumb as you've been treated, you knew full enough what happened. Calm and collected as she acts, she's filled with thorns inside. Wild roses have the sharpest fucking thorns, even if they aren't visible. They don't stop existing because you don't see them in their jar. They didn't stop tearing when her glass was smashed, nah, that ain't how that shit works. They grew, took full fucking hold of what little she had.

Ain't a pretty fucking flower on display as much as she pretends. Water only fed the thorns. You tried but you couldn't help her become engulfed by them.

You know full motherfucking well how that shit works. The gross purple drying on your lips knows as you hold her closer.

They stopped rubbing the paint off when you screamed. Your jaw ached, but you were able to fight back, if only once. Audio only, you had as much strength in you as a failing barkbeast. You lost even that after a while, they made sure of it, but they stopped exposing you. 

Kanaya could make them whatever fancies they wanted, she only had a reel of fish gut and a needle for you. You looked like Kurloz. Slightly more weight to you but it isn't like you've been fed since. But yours ain't a motherfucking holy wow of silence, it's a mockery.

Plainest fucking mockery there ever was. 

She's got as much time as you and the puppet do. Your pan's failed in so many ways but the kid you want to be again manages to scream out as often as he gets the chance. You want Tavros and Karkat, but they're not there for you anymore. You know it's a repetition of your dad as your sis's head slumps onto your shoulder. You want them there more than anything, you want them alive and happy despite Cal's constant insistence of death, but they're gone and you've lost your chance.

Ain't like your sis could be there for you with a soporific running rampant and turning her body into yet another failure.

You've got nothing left in you. You don't remember the last time you'd actually tried eating or drinking, but if you were normal you guess you'd be dead at this point. 

You don't know what Kurloz knew, you don't want to. You'd normally be enthralled by meeting another of your kind, but in this timeline, the older Makara scares you. Knew things you hadn't admitted to. As little weight as the phrase holds with him, he silently gave you a present you couldn't turn down.

You ain't got any questions. 

You ain't got nothing past the burning desire for this to end. Your sis's failing, you've failed. It fits the puppet follows suit. 

Your grin tears the holes in your mouth open as you raise the juju breaker over your head. You don't know if it works. You don't care if this makes your only friend mad at you. You want him to be mad, you want him to stop this. You ain't smart enough to warrant more than a ballweight that tore through your pants and rubbed your leg a dark purple on multiple occasions. You don't deserve anything past whatever this new destruction brings. You only hope it brings your own. It probably won't, but you want to make the bitter isolation complete. Rose's been dead the last two minutes, whatever's left of Gamzee Makara at the end ain't worth caring for.

Plain affection drives your crowbar over your head. You love Karkat even if he's too entranced with Strider to care for you, and you guess you always will. You'd loved Tavros more than you could ever put into words. You still wish you and Rose hadn't spent the rest of your days out in the air vents. Was hardly a mockery of pale, she'd made it worth it. The two years you made it were worth it because of her. Despite your feelings and anger, it's still the weight of the fucking thing than strength that smashes your last friend's face in. 

All the pacification, hope and love she'd bought you died out with her liver.

All the faith you'd had died with Tavros.

All hope dies with the puppet.

What's left of you follows.

You guess you were wrong.

Miracles do exist.


End file.
